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Grett Binchleaf and the Adventure of the Women Getting Abducted by Crabs
Grett Binchleaf and the Adventure of the Women getting Abducted by Crabs was one of the detective Grett Binchleaves many cases, and serves as the second series of Great Binchleaf, Private Eye. Plot Binchleaf gets involved in a mystery where meets Jimberly Smythe, Susan Cheese-in-a-Bag and Lord Smythe at a castle in Scotland. Jimberly is abducted by a giant crab and Susan leads Binchleaf into an underground chamber where they meet two Space Wizards, D’Spacé Wizra and Space Wizard Meredith. In a convoluted plot, it turns out the Ancient Egyptian god Inuku is executing his plan to ensure Binchleaves death and achieve world domination. Plot Diagram Characters * Grett Binchleaf * many Jimberly Smythes * Lord Smythe * Susan Cheeseinabag * D’Spacé Wizra * Space Wizard Meredith * Inuku * Arthur Pasty * G Nee the genie * a car rental employee * Grabatiti and Chastiti * Mike - British Museum guide * Elizabernard - Little Grett's friend * Hermioniel - Grett's lover in Hogawoorts in 2010. * Ava Goodday * A sexy Alien * Crabchenko * Philogious Den Gooler Chapters Chapter 1: On Your Mark. Grett Set. Go - Howard. Grett Binchleaf, professional space wizard (children's entertainer) and eater of all the chips, meets the hot and bazookered Jimberley Smythe at the Kachillionaires' Fish Egg Chowdown and Photo Opportunity Luau. Grett falls instantly in love and bumming commences. An ancient Egyptian curse means that all Smythe family women get abducted by crabs if they ever dare to have sex, especially bum sex. Jimberley disappears and all that is left is a crab shaped hole Chapter 2 : Let's Grett Ready to Rumble - Rufus Grett resists the urge to go to France. Jimberley's sheet wearing detective sister Susan Cheeseinabag asks Grett to help her track her sister. She wears a sheet to hide from her potential crabductors. Grett discovers, but doesn't mention, a signed note by Jimberley reading "The Zip Was Sacred". A giant crab eats Lord Smythe, and Grett and Susan escape to an underground chamber. Chapter 3 : Grett Off My Lawn - Howard Inside the pyramidal chamber, giant cephalopods defrost from their 5000-year slumber ready to fight the giant crabs. Also in the chamber was an enormous ancient Egyptian sculpture of Grett with "The zip was sacred" carved into the base. Jump to around 3500 BC, Grett washed up on the Nile, naked, with no memories and "The zip was sacred" written on his palm. Upon being discovered he grew himself some clothes and was proclaimed to be Grettatiti Binchra, god of free clothes, and sometimes hats. His arch-enemy, Inuku, god of making crabs go big, hated Grettatiti for stealing his attention and vowed to kill all of Grettatiti's wives forever. Back in the present Grett grows suspicious of Susan and removes her sheet. Chapter 4: With Grett Power Come Grett Responsibility - Rufus Under the sheet is Grett Binchleaf from the future who shows him how to enter the statue through the zip in the fly (hence the inscription). He warns his past self to watch out for Susan, because "She's an abacus genie", and then vanishes. In the giant statue there are 2 space wizards, Meredith and D (the 3rd, Steve, was shot in an argument). They have waited for Grett for 5500 years to help him defeat the giant crabs. They gave baby Grett, along with 7 other babies, superpowers. Jimberley was one of them who was given the superpower of shape shifting. Inuku killed all the babies apart from Grett and Jimberley. Grett was spared by Inuku because Inuku is an idiot and Grett's powers had not developed yet. Jimberley was spared as Inuku didn't bother killing the chairs. Using their Brain Funnel, the space wizards will pour all Grettatiti's memories into Grett's head so he will know how to kill all the crabs. However a side effect of the funnel is that when he eventually time travels back to ancient Egypt, at some point in his future, all his memories will be erased. Grett agrees so he can eat more chips in the past. With his new memories, he goes to the British Museum to save the only women he's ever loved: Arthur Pasty. Chapter 5: I've Grett a Brand New Combine Harvester, I'll Give You The Key. During the brain funnelling process we see Grett's memories from his future and past, which include getting married to Arthur Pasty. As soon as they are married Inuku kidnaps her and puts her to sleep in a sarcophagus. The future Binchleaf who was hiding under the sheet and warned Grett about Susan, is revealed to have been Jimberley Smythe using her shapeshifting powers. She tells her master, Yo Yo Villain, that she also implanted false memories about the contents of the sarcophagus into his head during the funnelling process. This also explains how we saw the Ava Goodday scene, which took place in Grett's novel from Books, not the real Grett. On the way to the British Museum, Susan Cheesinabag fell down an open manhole. Grett, the only man who can, opens the Hades Sarcophagus using the magic words from his days as a street magician. Chapter 6: Nobody Does it Gretter. D’Spacé Wizra turns up in Crappalby Magna at the headquarters of Yo-Yo Villian, aka Steve Crabs aka, aka Inuku, aka Space Wizard Steve. Inuku has been shapeshifted into human form by Jimberley. When D’Spacé Wizra shot him in the face, he was in is awk/sunfish form in a man suit, so ducked to avoid the bullet. Inuku tells D’Spacé Wizra of his plan to get people to appreciate big crabs. Due to technology, magic has lost its power, so Inuku has been unable to make crabs go big, and has had to rely on a crab suit, a crab-shaped drill, and Jimberley to shapeshift into a big crab. He needs ingredients for a spell to destroy all technology and then people will need big crabs to do things. The ingredients are; # A wigwam (taken from Space Wizard Meredith) # Four Scottish women from the same family (Smythes, most of them are dead now), # sperm of someone who can grow clothes and sometimes hats(taken by Jimberly in chapter 1) # Something that was magical, but isnt anymore (a Space Wizard) # Something still magical (the genie that Grettatiti locked in the Hades Sarcophagus) Grett opens the sarcophagus and the genie offers him three wishes. Chapter 7: Get Binchleaf and the Adventure of the Women Gretting Abducted by Crabs: No Regets Some time later, the genie sent an email to everyone giving them 3 wishes. All the wishes (including making France disappear, swapping the words Grett and Get, and swapping cats and hats) weakened him, he could only give one more wish before dying so he adopted a disguise and hid. 3 years later, Steve G Einie, the genie with a cat on his head as a disguise, is found out and escaped by teleporting away to a random location. Chen'Ko the crab informs Inuku has teleported to Croydon and Inuku, Jimberley, and his crabs head there. They are joined by D’Spacé Wizra and Space Wizard Meredith on a flying camel and Susan Cheeseinabag and her army of rats, who kill and eat Jimberly. The genie is trapped between the rats, the crabs, and the Space Wizards. Chapter 8: Unforgrettable / Don't You Forgrett About Me / I Frogrott to Turn the Oven Off We go back to where Grett opens the Sarcophagus. Grett uses one of his wishes to give everyone else a wish before him. The genie then kills Grett for locking him in the sarcophagus for 5000 years. At the funeral D’Spacé Wizra senses in his hat that France has been wished out of existence and goes to investigate. Back in Croydon 3 years later, all charge towards the genie and the genie freezes them. He dresses them down for being selfish with their wishes; D’Spacé Wizra want to bring back his country, Inuku wants adoration by making crabs go big and Susan wants Grett back who makes her feel superior. He accidentally uses the wish he had from when Grett gave everyone a wish to wish that Grett had never let him out of the sarcophagus, reversing all the wishes and killing himself as he's out of power. Grett pops back into existence and puts on the genie's hat and trench coat, but Jimberley and the genie are still dead. Furious at his plan being foiled, Inuku somehow makes all his crabs go big! Chapter 9: Grettabolism The crabs go wild and start attacking everyone, one cuts off Inuku's head, but his head keeps laughing and Susan Cheesinabag gets chopped in half. Grett removes her sheet and underneath is Jimberley Smythe. One of Susan's rats, D’Spacé Wizra and Space Wizard Meradith shape-shift into more Jimberlies. The dead Jimberley shape-shifts into a non dismembered Jimberley. The four Jimberleies shape-shift into cephalopods and kill the crabs. They take pity on the last crab, Crab Chen'ko and shape-shift him into a Mechranian sausage vendor in the past. Inuku had kidnapped Jimberley with a time scoop every day for three years, going backwards in time. Of the 1000 or so Jimberlies he kidnapped only one was indoctrinated to his cause, who evil shape-shifted the rest into various chairs and people. Evil shape-shifting someone makes them hurtle through time and forget their memories. But all the Jimberlies in different forms had some sense of their connectedness to Grett and helped him on his adventures. Once the Evil Jimberly was killed by rats, the spell wore off, and they all could shape-shift back and get their memories. Inuku, a tiny crab, climbs out of the mechanical Steve Crabs head and reveals that his plan for wanting to make all crabs go big was a ruse and he only wanted to make one crab go big - himself. Evil Jimberley has shape-shifted herself to not dead and has captured the genie's soul, completing his spell and sucking all the shape-shifting power from the Jimberlies. He goes big. Grett turns his metabolism off and goes big., but then does a poo and returns to normal size. A Flying saucer filled with little green men from the Collectors of Rare Alien Breeds Society (CRABS) arrives, knocks out Inuku and abducts all the Jimberlies for their space zoo. Grett spent the last 3 years eating babies in hell and since being revived can no longer grow clothes. Chapter 10: Grett Back to Where You Once Belonged Grett is driving Inuku in the back of a "Space Wizard" truck. He goes to the Smythe mansion where evil Jimberly is waiting for him with her bazookers out. Inuku, admiting his plan has failed, gets Jimberley to shapeshift him into Grett Binchleaf, so he can become his adversary. But because Jimberly and Inuku are both evil , it evil shapeshifts him so he vanishes to appear in ancient Egypt without a memory. Inuku was Gretatiti Binchra! Jimberly turns into a spider-eye-pie to attack Grett for foiling their plan. Grett passes out and comes round in the library. Jimberley tries to shapeshift him into the ugliest man who has ever lived, but this backfires as he already is, so Jimberly is turned into the most repulsive person. Grett knocks Jimberlry out with book, without any memories. Grett makes her wear a balaclava and be his receptionist, Wendy. Themes Misogyny Rufus tries to write female characters that are not just sex objects for Grett, while Howard likes to describe boobs. And then make any women with agency take off their disguises to reveal they were men all along. Susan Cheeseinabag is a reference to this as she always wears a sheet. Weirdness The authors kept accusing the other of 'making it weird'. Howard claimed he didn't introduce the giant crab, as there was only a crab-shaped hole in episode 1, and Rufus made it weird by confirming it was an actual giant crab. Rufus accuses Howard of making it weird but putting in escape clauses so he can always accuse Rufus of being the one to confirm facts. Rufus says Book 1 Chapter 7 was where the book became Binchleaf, Howard thinks he's being blamed for making the whole thing weird. Parallels to Books Ignoring chapter 1 of Books, there is a similar pattern to Books. = Books C2, Crabs C1 = Howard introduces foreign characters (Souffle and Ava vs Jimberley) and has knockers time with a woman (Ava Goodday vs Jimberley). = Books C3, Crabs C2) = Rufus introduces a new character he hopes will become a regular character (Funk vs Cheeseinabag). = Books C4, Crabs C3) = Howard does a massive flashback that isn't currently relevant to the plot but will become central to the overall plot (Grett's magic show vs Grettatiti in Egypt). = Books C5, Crabs C4) = Rufus does time travel! (Mole hole and future Grett and brain funnel)